


Tangled Branches and Crossed Roots

by Of_Princes_and_Savages



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: AU setting, Canon Facts, Everyone is related, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Henry's F'd up family tree, The Charming Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-27
Updated: 2016-12-19
Packaged: 2018-05-16 16:40:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5832916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Of_Princes_and_Savages/pseuds/Of_Princes_and_Savages
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Henry comes across the family tree assignment Mary-Margaret gave him before he brought Emma to Storybrooke, and attempts to fill it out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It's a good thing Violet showed up; Otherwise Henry might've married a half-sister.

**Henry Daniel Mills.**

The Author with the Heart of the Truest Believer scribbled that at the bottom of the worksheet. He'd forgotten where this 'My Family Tree' homework "Miss Blanchard" had assigned three years ago wound up until he found it tucked in a drawer while looking for something. In a fit of whimsy, Henry decided to fill it out because now he had names to put on the branches.

Where the names of his parents were supposed to go, Henry wavered a moment and put **Baelfire** / **Neal** **Cassidy** in the right box, unable to decide which name to use. He wrote down **Rumpelstiltskin** above that, but left his paternal grandmother's spot blank because he couldn't remember what her name was. It didn't really come up when he spoke to Dad, and neither mother liked him talking to Mr. Gold that much, grandfather or no. Above that he wrote down **Peter Pan** , not without a shudder.

The only character Disney got more wrong was King Arthur.

With his father's side more or less complete, Henry went to put his mother's name in the left box...

But which one?

Emma had given birth to him, obviously she should go in the box next to his father's. But he had Regina's last name, and was named after her father. After a moment's deliberation, Henry decided to put Emma Swan down in the left box above his name. Above that he wrote **Snow White** and **Prince "Charming" David**. He added a little note underneath them by **Emma Swan**  that read **Neal Nolan** , too, for his baby uncle. Above Snow White he wrote **King Leopold and Queen Ava** in one box, then added **Regina Mills** ( _stepmother/my mom_ ) in the second box.

That was all Henry had room for on his mother's side...

* * *

The bell rang in the front of the pawnshop, and Gold glanced up.

When he saw that it was Henry, he smiled. It was a social call instead of a town emergency. For now. His grandson took after him and Bae as far as wits went, and had more tact than expected from his Charming DNA.

"Hello Henry," Belle stuck her head out the back room with a smile. "What brings you here?"

"Hey," Henry grinned back, slinging his backpack off one shoulder and pulling out a few sheets of paper. "So, I found this homework assignment Mary-Margaret gave me, back before the curse broke? It was a family tree, and I didn't turn it in then because I didn't have much of a family to report on. But I decided to fill it for fun, and I sort of ran out of room on the worksheet. So I started a new one, here, see?"

Gold took the paper Henry offered and skimmed over it.

 **Henry Daniel Mills** was at the bottom of the page. Above that was Bae and Emma's name, and a dashed line that lead to Regina, who was placed above Snow White as her stepmother and King Leopold's second wife. Above Charming was his mother **Ruth** , and beside him was his brother **James** , who was connected by a line to **King George** with _foster father?_ written beside it. Then above Regina was her family, **Prince Henry** and **Cora** , and under Cora was **Zelena**.

"What's that question mark by Zelena and Cora's names for?" Gold asked, tapping the marks.

"We never figured out who Zelena's father was, so I put a question mark down," Henry explained. "And under Zelena is **Robin Hood's** daughter, there, and I put him,  **Roland** and **Maid Marian** down too. The real one."

"Ah. Very thorough," Gold nodded approvingly, then pursed his lips. "For posterity's sake, Peter Pan's real name is **Malcolm**. And you should probably put Cora's father above her, the miller? Don't ask me what his name was, contrary to popular belief, I don't know everyone."

Henry took out a pen and scribbled that above Cora, and Belle pointed to the question mark on the other side of Rumpelstiltskin from Belle. "What's that for?"

"Who's that supposed to be?"

"Oh! That's what I came in to ask, 'cause I can't remember what my other grandmother's name is. I don't think Dad ever told me what it was, do you mind?"

Gold gave a snort. "I'm surprised Hook didn't tell you what it is."

Henry gave him a perplexed look. "What's that mean?"

Gold gave him a look that was so similarly confused that Belle nearly giggled. "What, he never told you that story? No. No _of course_ he didn't. I'm not sure if this means you have to write him down or not, but when your father was a boy, my wife Milah ran off with the good captain."

Henry got half the 'M' in **Milah** written before his head jerked up again.

"Wait, _what?!_ " Henry looked from the paper to his grandfather twice. "She-You mean my mom is dating a man who ran off with my _father's_ _mother_?"

Belle wrinkled her nose a bit. "Wouldn't that make **Hook** a step-grandfather, if they were married?"

"Oh...god...he's dating the ex of his ex's son..."

"Believe me," Gold shrugged. "I'm still trying to wrap my head around what Miss Swan sees in that man."

"And Hook talks about Dad like he's knew him as a kid...and _then_ he fought with him over Emma... _oh my god_ , I think my brain broke."

Belle agreed, her head spun just thinking about it. Leaning her elbows on the glass counter, she half-jokingly added, "Well should you add **Sir Maurice** and **Lady Colette** above my name, since I'm your step-grandmother if I'm married to Rumple?"

Henry looked blankly at the innocuous sheet of paper in his hands.

_'Belle is younger than my mother, but is married to my grandfather the Dark One, who had a thing with Cora, my grandmother/step-great-great-grandmother, once...and the same grandfather that was married to Captain Hook's first love, who ran off when Dad was a kid, but was still my grandmother...and so Snow White is my grandmother and...stepsister? Because Regina was her stepmother. So doesn't that...make me...Emma and baby Neal's step-uncle?'_

Henry should've burned this worksheet.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stillsearching47 requested "What happened after Henry blew his mind?" and that was just too good not to expand upon. So here's a surprise chapter two!

“Are you my step-grandfather or not?”

Henry stormed into the loft and threw down his worksheet in front of Hook, and that’s how it started.

Emma, naturally, wanted to know what her son was talking about and Hook, naturally, was absolutely clueless in how to explain THIS can of worms.

“Well-”

“Dad’s mom ran off with him when Dad was a kid, before Gold was the Dark One!”

Snow nearly spit her tea across the apartment and Regina started laughing. Emma did neither, she jumped to her feet.

“Oh my god! You were married to Neal’s mother? Wait! Oh my god! You fought with him over me, knowing I was the mother of-Oh my god!”

“Now, well, okay, we were rivals for your affection perhaps but we didn’t-I mean I never-We weren’t married! Milah and I were just sort of…together, aye, together-”

“You lived in sin with Rumpelstiltskin’s wife!” Regina cackled. “Hahaha!”

Hook spun around, jabbing a finger at Regina. “I wouldn’t laugh if I were you, Your Majesty! D’you know how close you were to being Baelfire’s little sister because of Cora’s involvement with the Crocodile?”

That stopped Regina’s laughing, but started a fight that nearly burned up the sofa.

Although it wasn’t proven, Snow probably leaked some gossip to Ruby down at the diner, and suddenly the entire town was swept into a family tree so tangled it was practically vines at this point. Some of it was amusing speculation, and some of it turned ugly.

Some people finally realized that David really was just David, and James was his twin brother a la soap opera switch-out. Emma had to break up a fight between Albert Spencer and a mother who insisted her toddler was James’ illegitimate child and demanded money, resulting in David having to stand in as a DNA provider to prove it was false.

Grace jokingly asked her father if they were related to anybody, and Jefferson admitted that he used to be partners-in-crime with the brother of Daniel, Regina’s first love.

Poor little Roland asked, “Does this mean Snow’s my sister if you and ‘Gina get married, Papa?”

And then people realized the answer was yes, and that when the baby Zelena was carrying was born and if Regina and Robin adopted it, that would make it Snow, Henry, and Roland’s new sibling, Emma and baby Neal’s new aunt, and David’s in-law…

The most memorable incident was Moe bursting into the pawnshop and demanding Gold tell him exactly how many whores and wives he’d taken before Belle, and Belle nearly beating him with her husband’s cane.

All in all, it took almost four months for everything to cool down. No couples were broken apart, no illegitimate children were discovered, and Henry had written everything down and organized it for posterity, and, most importantly, clarity.

At least until Belle and Gold announced that she was pregnant. And then Henry had to write down the inclusion of his future infant aunt or uncle…

God. What the hell was he supposed to do if he ever had kids?


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In case you missed Sunday's episode, (and have been living under a rock in the OUAT fandom, you lucky rock-dweller you,) the Black Fairy we haven't heard about since Season 3A is Rumpelstiltskin's mother, who abandoned him. This calls for an update for poor Henry's family tree.

Everyone had thought the last of the drama around the tangled Charming-Swan-Mills-Hood-Gold (plus Jones) family tree, had died down. Quite honestly, the last spot everyone, Henry included, thought would need penciling in on the poor boy's family tree would be a new aunt or uncle, whatever child Rumpelstiltskin and Belle would be having.

_And then..._

Several small rumors began circulating once the big gossip surrounding the town leaders' relations died down. One was concerning the recent return of Ruby Lucas and her girlfriend Dorothy Gale...and Toto.

"I don't think we're in Kansas anymore" Toto. He was real.

Granny was really less upset about the same-sex relationship, (quite frankly she didn't give a damn who dated her granddaughter as long as they treated her well, and knew Granny did not _mellow_ with age,) and more that Ruby had popped off to another realm without more than a goodbye note.

("I am your grandmother, girl! You really didn't think I'd want to know when my only kin was going realm-skipping?!")

And then there was the settling of all the Camelot citizens. Including the children, one of which was Violet Morgan, Henry's new girlfriend, more or less. New romances were always a bit of fodder for gossip, it was a small town after all, people had to glean a bit of fanciful entertainment here and there. Henry and Violet, the rekindled relationship between the Golds, (formerly Queen) Guinevere living in an apartment with Sir Lancelot...and then there was the rumor that Sister Astrid, formerly Nova, was considering walking away from the fairy convent.

This was a hot-button topic at the moment, mainly because of the salacious romance of a dwarf and fairy, which was unheard of. Well...not salacious in the traditional sense, watching Leroy and Astrid were probably the most chaste romance in Storybrooke, they held hands and Astrid was a frequent hugger, but it wasn't anything even a stern parent would disapprove of. If it weren't for the fact that Leroy had been hatched from a dwarven egg in the old world, and Astrid was still considered a fairy, that is.

Fairies were the embodiment of light magic and purity. They were just like the nuns they had been under the first curse, people thought, since they devoted their lives to good deeds and charity work rather than material pursuits or emotional attachments. The very idea that a fairy would give up everything she knew for love was absurd, and according to what the Blue Fairy declared, the path to darkness.

"It's selfishness," she reportedly said. "Pure selfishness, and it will lead to her ruin if she goes through with it!"

Shockingly, or not, the first person to decry her claims was Rumpelstiltskin.

"She would say that," he'd muttered one day at the diner while everyone around them was murmuring about Leroy and Astrid even as they were sitting at the counter.

Henry sat across from him in a booth, and Belle sitting by her husband. The homework spread out in front of Henry was abandoned in favor of curiosity...as the Author, of course. Since his grandfather was one of the oldest and most intelligent, (and bluntly honest,) citizens in Storybrooke, Henry had taken to asking him questions so he could record the facts properly.

"Why do you hate the fairies so much? Is it because Blue gave my dad that magic bean?" he asked, recalling the story from his first storybook.

Rumpelstiltskin had wrinkled his nose. "That's only one of many reasons, I assure you."

Belle bit her lip, and her husband glanced at her. Then he frowned.

"What?"

"Rumple...he is the Author, _and_ your grandson. He should know."

"Belle-"

"What?" Henry's interest was decidedly piqued now. "What happened?"

"Nothing happened," his grandfather denied, just as Belle said: "When I was at the Dark Castle..."

Rumpelstiltskin rolled his eyes, but he smiled when his wife burrowed into his side and placed his hand on the small curve of her baby bump. They were arguably more tactile than Henry's Charming grandparents, even if he was the Dark One, which did make it a little weird.

"One day your grandfather brought home a baby, as Rumpelstiltskin is famous for-"

"It is a _highly_ exaggerated aspect of my dealings, I assure you."

"-and left me in charge of him. So naturally, since he didn't tell me what happened-"

"You were the maid! I hardly knew you then!"

"Yes, but, the point is that after locking me in a tower he used the baby as a magnet for the Black Fairy. I know he wasn't going to let anything hurt the baby-"

A hurt look flickered across Rumpelstiltskin's eyes. "You thought I'd hurt the babe?"

"Only at the time," Belle promised, resting her head on his shoulder. "I know better now."

Overlooking their gooey True Loveness, Henry grinned. "So you met the Black Fairy? As in the Black Fairy's Wand, that fairy? What was she like? Was she evil? Did she wear a jellyfish-looking skirt like Blue, or did she wear something more like my mom's Evil Queen outfits. Did she have black wings?"

"Yes she is real, no she did not dress like a circus freak nor like your mother, and her wings were sort of purple but that's about all I could tell you," Rumpelstiltskin shrugged, and it looked for all the world like he was going to leave it at that before sighing reluctantly. "We hardly had a chat, she left as soon as it was clear she couldn't kidnap the baby and she had no interest in answering my questions. She was my mother, though she abandoned me."

* * *

After the revelation in the diner, Henry had made the rookie mistake of leaving his notebook open at his maternal grandparents' loft. Not only was his birth mother a former bounty hunter with bloodhound instincts, but his maternal grandmother was famous for not keeping secrets.

Within two days, the entire town was abuzz all over again at this newest, most complicated branch on poor Henry Mills' family tree.

(It also put the image of the sparkly imp in a dragonhide coat into everyone's minds...with a big pair of fairy wings at his back.)

The biggest argument of all was whether or not fairies were related. Dwarves had the benefit of being hatched in teams of eight, _brothers_ , for lack of a better term. Fairies were very secretive about how they were born, but it was established that there was no mammalian birthing process. Or larvae-chrysalis-fairy order like bugs. So that led to the question are all fairies blood-relatives or was each an individual in a sisterhood?

If the latter was true, then the Black Fairy was more like a fallen woman that had a child... _with Peter Pan_...almost four hundred years ago...and Rumpelstiltskin didn't know how that worked and he, nor anyone else really, had a desire to, either.

But if they were related, that meant that the Dark One had a bunch of color-coded aunties that didn't want to claim him as a nephew anymore than he wanted them to...

This of course branched off into smaller circles of discussion. Now they knew that fairies could... _reproduce_ , like humans, which was something Dr. Whale had a decidedly unprofessional interest in since the curse broke and was a bit too happy to hear was true at last.

Keith Nottingham might just remain the rat Tinkerbelle turned him into, for the safety of Storybrooke's women, and everyone was okay with that.

Then there was the fact this meant Rumpelstiltskin was half-fairy. Which meant Baelfire and the unborn Gold baby were one-fourth fairy, and Henry Mills was one-eighth fairy in addition to being the Wicked Witch's nephew and Snow White's half-brother/grandson. Henry didn't have traditional magic, but it made others wonder if the reason Rumpelstiltskin was such a successful, long-living Dark One, (which considering Emma and Hook's performances was not an untrue statement to make,) was because of his mother's blood.

The idea was as repulsive to Rumpelstiltskin as it was to the Blue Fairy, who all but violently declared he was not a fairy, they did not recognize him as a fairy, and that was the end of the discussion.

(Which it wasn't, so much so that when Belle went into labor, the attending nurses and Whale were more than a little interested to see if the boy or girl would have wings or not.)

Henry decided that he'd had enough researching his family tree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be clear: While the family tree facts are all canon facts, I'm displeased enough with canon that Robin Hood isn't dead in this 'verse, Nealfire is only dead because this was intended to be a one-shot, otherwise he'd be here too, Zelena is safely locked under the hospital, and there is none of this gross "Bold Storytelling" drama going on with Rumbelle, who in this little world are happily expecting their first baby who will only be named Gideon if it's a boy because Rumple and Belle talked it over and agreed, not to further Belle's increasingly creepy obsession with stereotypical heroism.
> 
> *deep breath*
> 
> Okay, just take the stinging parts out of canon. That's what I meant. Have a nice day! :)


	4. Merry Christmas!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: Christmas-themed edition of the F'd up family tree, from Charming's POV, in which I gleefully ignore all canon excluding the family ties. Ta-dah!

David loved his wife Snow very much.

They were True Love, with two children, (yes, Emma was their child even if she was grown with one of her own,) and had broken two sleeping curses and beat the odds of death by sharing the same heart. They fought evil side-by-side, they defended their kingdom, and then Storybrooke, and above all, they supported each other.

But this idea of hers? This was a bad one and David told her as much as soon as she proposed it.

"That is a terrible idea."

"David!"

"It is!"

Because he recalled, quite clearly, once upon a time, saying that it was a good thing they didn't have Thanksgiving in their land because that family dinner would suck. Only this wasn't a Thanksgiving dinner, it was a Christmas party.

A Christmas party for their whole family.

The _whole_ family.

Now if it was just the "Charming family", then that would be himself, Prince Charming, and Snow, their daughter Emma and their infant son Neal, their grandson Henry, and Regina in her capacity of both Henry's adoptive mother and Snow's stepmother.

But with Regina came Robin Hood, and his son Roland. That wouldn't be too bad because Robin was a good guy, he was a man from the old world Charming could talk to about things. Roland would have been more than welcome. And where Emma went Hook was sure to follow. Charming wasn't as crazy about him after the whole "I'm gonna destroy all the things!" disaster that led to their Underworld fiasco, but he would deal with the pirate for Emma's sake. They'd just need to be sure no rum went where it wasn't supposed to.

Because both his mothers had a lot on their plates, and there was only so much a teenager could do with a baby in their apartment, lately Henry had been hanging around with other grandparents: Rumpelstiltskin and Belle. Beauty and the Beast. And that was the start of the complications.

Belle would have been more than welcome at any gathering, but it would have been extremely rude to say, _"Oh you can come, but leave the Dark One at home."_   For that reason Snow probably wouldn't have invited them...except Henry had, and nobody really wanted to tell Belle to leave her husband at home. Especially when she was seven months pregnant. David recalled Snow's pregnancy with Emma, and the longer the pregnancy went on, the shorter the woman's temper grew.

And really, Gold wasn't the darkest Dark One to ever...dark. Or whatever. He was pretty tame these days. The only incident there had been was when he had turned Moe French into a potted cactus, and from what David heard from Granny, Belle's father was asking for that. (He was _not_ invited to the Christmas party, and had been de-cactified within the hour.) As long as Belle or David was there to run interference between Hook and Gold, there shouldn't be any problems.

Then there was talk about inviting Hook's brother Liam, who'd showed up as a crewman on the Nautilus. Nobody had gotten the full story on that, because it wasn't dead-brother-Liam, it was second-brother-Liam. (Liam 2? Liam Jr.?) Some young guy who didn't look like he was related to Hook at _all_ , and there was something there that made Regina pull sour faces. Other people pulled sour faces at the thought of inviting Zelena, but they decided against that particular guest in the end.

Further complications arose in theory because no one knew if Rumpelstiltskin was related to the whole convent of fairies or not, and it had been a hot issue for months now.

As if it wasn't bad enough that Rumpelstiltskin's father was Peter Pan, his mother was the Black Fairy. David had honestly forgotten about her, the only thing he really knew was that she had her wand repossessed by Blue and it helped Tinkerbelle defeat Pan's shadow. But that didn't matter, the point was; If Rumpelstiltskin was half-fairy, did that mean that all the fairies would be invited to show up?

Leroy and Astrid _might_ , if that panned out. And where one dwarf went, six more follow. And the dwarves could _eat_. And drink.

Fortunately, Snow wrote the guest list down to get an idea of how much food and drink they'd need anyway. That would be upwards of a dozen people...at least. All hosted in the loft? With several guests on iffy terms with each other?

David suggested in a fit of brilliance a potluck Christmas party at Granny's Diner.

That was what they ended up doing, where there was room for everyone including Henry's friends, (was it bad David was surprised Henry had friends?) Hansel and Gretel, Violet, and Grace.

And with Grace came Jefferson, who ended up in a corner with Whale, Gold, and Belle, actually. David dropped by for a minute or two and had to leave because quiet clearly he did not belong in a circle where two men freely asked about being knocked up by the Dark One, the Dark One blushing, and Belle dipping cookies in her cup of fruit punch because she claimed they tasted better that way, unperturbed by conversation with Dr. Frankenstein and the Mad Hatter.

No fairies were there except Tink, (Roland climbed into her lap with cookie frosting on his mouth and started asking if fairy wings ever got itchy and how did you scratch them?) and Astrid, (who was easily recognized by a pink Santa hat that Dopey might have given her,) sitting with Leroy and all their brothers. Everyone knew she and Leroy were holding hands under the table, but it was, in Snow's own words, "cute", that they were pretending to keep their distance.

Emma had somehow been talked into an arm-wrestling match against Little John and won, so then the whole Merry Men crew wanted a turn against the Savior. At some point, David must've missed when, Regina sat down across the table from Emma now and there appeared to be magic involved. Both of their respective boyfriends was cheering on their respective lady, while Henry cheered impartially.

David sat in a booth with Snow tucked into his side, watching. Granny was minding Neal across the room, where Ruby was cooing over her friend's baby and Dorothy had Toto on her lap. Pongo was sniffing the small black dog like he was ascertaining that it was, in fact, a dog, and not a scruffy dark mop.

Archie, bearing an eggnog mustache, drew Pongo away from Toto and back to his spot with Marco and the once-more-adult August. Snow kissed David on the cheek then before he could notice anything else, and there was nothing quite as distracting as his wife's kisses.

"This was a much better idea," she smiled. "And there's less of a chance of, you know, magic duels or swordfighting."

They both laughed...but only because that was true. This was a very strange, very complicated family they had here, but it was theirs, and their Christmas party had turned out quite nicely. As long as the Black Fairy didn't storm through the doors before it was over...

**Author's Note:**

> Here's a good question: Did you scream 'OH MY GOD, WHAT IF RUMPELSTILTSKIN IS HER FATHER?!' in regards to Regina, when Cora was making out with him in 'The Miller's Daughter'? (Sorry if I got that title wrong.) And then again when Zelena showed up saying she was Cora's daughter? Because I said something along the lines of, "Dear god, that's a whole 'nother knot on this family tree."


End file.
